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 Seen, but Not Known

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about connection, what it really means, how deeply we crave it, and how vulnerable it feels when we actually get close to it. We live in a world that makes us feel like we should be “on” all the time. Sharing, posting, reacting… On the surface, it looks like we’re more connected than ever. But underneath? Many of us feel lonelier than we’ve ever been. We scroll through curated lives, filtering our own truths along the way. It starts to feel like we’re constantly visible but rarely seen. I know that feeling personally. For most of my mid to late 20s, I was super active on social media. From the outside, it looked like I was open, like people “knew” me. But what they saw was a highlight reel. I wasn’t someone who showed sadness, confusion, or anything that might come across as messy. I kept everything shiny and digestible. I thought anything else would make people uncomfortable. And while I had “friends,” many of those relationships stayed on the surface. Some were people I only interacted with online. People I wished I could connect with more deeply, but something always felt performative. I needed connection, but I kept getting reactions. Likes. Fire emojis. Little hearts. And none of it felt like the intimacy I was actually craving.Even now, it’s something I’m still unlearning. I want to be known. But being known requires being  seen. And that’s not always comfy.

Coming out after a long marriage that had love, but wasn’t fully aligned with who I was, changed the way I viewed connection. It made me realize how often I’d tried to build closeness through performance instead of presence. I had been making decisions to maintain comfort… for others, for the image, for the structure. Even for me, comfort felt safer than desire. 

It’s taken a lot of healing, a lot of forgiveness, and a whole lot of nervous system regulation to feel safe being seen again. Especially now that I’m interested in dating.

And dating after something like that? It’s scary. I realized I didn’t even know what I wanted from someone. I thought I had it figured out once. I did get married, after all. But what I really wanted was the life we could build, not the person themself. Now, I’m trying to want people for who they are, not the role they could play in a future I built in my head. Not because they could give me children or stability, but because I love how they laugh, how I feel around them, even how they snore. LOL.

And if I’m being honest? There are still days I wonder if I’m cool enough. Interesting enough. Lovable again. I don’t think we talk about that enough… how much we quietly question our worth.

But the biggest shift for me lately has been this:

I’ve stopped trying to over-explain myself.

I’ve started doing things because they feel right to me, not because they look good, not because they make someone else happy, and not because they’re easy to understand.

We’re taught – especially as women – or anyone who’s ever been in a caretaking role, to make decisions based on what brings others comfort. What keeps the peace. What makes sense to the people around us. But at some point, we have to ask:

When do I get to choose me?

A lot of people go through life never making a single decision based purely on their own desires.

And honestly? That breaks my heart. Because joy matters. 

Your joy matters.

It’s not selfish to choose yourself. It’s sacred.

Connection, real connection, isn’t about proving you’re worthy. It’s about trusting that you already are.

One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn is that boundaries don’t block connection. They protect it.

For most of my life, I struggled with boundaries. I worried they’d push people away or make me seem cold. I still struggle. I’ll be real with you, most of the boundaries I’ve managed to keep are work-related. But I’ve started holding one personal boundary close:

That trip I booked. That person I choose to spend time with. That version of myself I step into, I don’t need everyone to get it.

A Gentle Invitation From Me to You: 

If you’re craving connection but afraid of being truly seen… you’re not broken. You’re human.

If you’ve been living for others and not yourself… you’re not behind. You’re waking up.

Whether you’re navigating grief, dating again, rebuilding your self-worth, or simply trying to figure out what actually feels good in your body… Hypnotherapy can help you come home to yourself first.

That’s where every real connection begins.

Let’s start there, together.

There are moments in life when we would give anything for one more minute. One more minute with a loved one we’ve lost. One more minute in a season we weren’t ready to leave. One more minute before change shifts everything we know.

But sometimes, the kind of “one more minute” we need is just the ability to get through one more minute alive. One more minute of breathing through the ache. One more minute of finding our footing.

Kristen Brust’s One More Minute podcast episode speaks to the power of that exact kind of survival, how you can get through a really hard time by simply living one more minute at a time, and how those minutes slowly add up to a life you didn’t know was possible.

I had to do that in July of last year. Some days, I still feel like I’m living in those “one more minute.” Just getting by one at a time. Wishing I had just one more with my grandma.

It’s a feeling so many of us know intimately. But what if, instead of getting stuck in the longing, we learned to honor those feelings while still living fully in the now?

Hypnotherapy has helped me do exactly that. It’s allowed me to process grief, reconnect with my grandma in ways I never expected, and find peace in the minutes I’m living now, even when they’re really hard.

The Pain of Wanting More Time

My understanding of “one more minute” changed the moment she passed. I would give anything to have one more minute by her side; to tell her I love her, to tell her how much she meant to me. Even typing this, I’m tearing up because I miss her more than I can stand most days. I wish she didn’t have to be alone when it happened. I wish I could have been her comfort. That ache, the longing to rewrite those final moments, is something I carry with me, and something hypnotherapy has helped me begin to soften, even if it will never fully go away.

In the earliest days after she passed, I didn’t want to wake up. I just wanted to be with her. I wasn’t afraid of dying, in fact, I almost looked forward to it, because being here without her felt unbearable. I lived one breath, one minute at a time. Kristen’s words helped pull me through. “Just one more minute, then another, then another…”

Hypnotherapy helped me move through that place too. It helped me reconnect with her in ways I never expected, and slowly, those “one more minute” became more than just survival, they became moments of healing.

Now, when I feel unsafe or uncertain, I still talk to her. I ask her to protect me, to keep me safe. And if it ever is my time, I ask her to take me peacefully, before something terrifying happens. Without fear, just quick and quiet. That’s the trust hypnotherapy helped me rebuild, not just in the world around me, but in the invisible love that still surrounds me.

She may be gone physically, but she’s still with me in more ways than one.

Letting Go Doesn’t Mean Forgetting

• We fear that if we let go, we’ll lose the connection or meaning of what we’re holding onto.
• But letting go isn’t about erasing, it’s about making space to carry love forward in a way that doesn’t weigh us down.
• Hypnotherapy can help us rewrite the way we hold memories, turning grief into gratitude and presence into peace.

I turned to hypnotherapy to help me work through the grief and guilt of not being there when she passed. And every time I’ve gone into session, she’s shown up. She’s delivered messages that brought me peace, especially the last one, when she told me she didn’t want to go, she wasn’t ready. But it was her time. That she didn’t choose to leave me. That brought comfort I didn’t know I needed. In many ways, I feel like I’ve gotten more time with her through hypnotherapy. She’s still with me in the quiet moments, in the thin places. I still talk to her… sometimes out loud, sometimes just in my heart.

My grandma represented calmness and security for me. She was one of the only people I always felt proud to belong to. She had my back no matter what. And now, even in grief, I know she still does.

Learning to Sit in the In-Between

• The hardest place to be is in transition – between what was and what’s next.
• Hypnotherapy helps us embrace uncertainty without fear, teaching the subconscious to feel safe in change.
• A simple grounding exercise: When you feel the ache of “one more minute,” pause and name one thing you can appreciate in this moment.

Living Fully, Right Now

• Instead of waiting for loss to remind us to cherish what we have, we can choose to be present now.
• Hypnotherapy helps train the mind to recognize beauty in the ordinary, making every moment feel more alive.
• A daily affirmation: “I honor the past, embrace the present, and trust the future.”

We can’t always get one more minute… but we can make the most of the minutes we have. Hypnotherapy has helped me navigate loss, presence, and healing, so I am learning to live each moment with open hands and an open heart.

A Personal Note to Anyone Who’s Grieving

Grief shows up in strange places sometimes. For me, it was recently while talking to a friend who reminded me of something my grandpa always said: “Do it while you’re young—while you still can.” He and my grandma both just wanted me to be happy. They always believed in me, and I try to live in a way they’d be proud of.

But grief also shows up in the quiet moments, when I’m cooking in her kitchen and instinctively reach for my phone to ask her a question, like how long to boil eggs. Or when winter came and went without her potato soup. It’s not just the recipe I miss; it’s the way she made everything feel special.

Sometimes it shows up in deeper places, like when I think about growing my family through adoption. I ache knowing that if I do, my child won’t get to know her. They won’t get to feel her love, the way my foster sons did. She was everything to me, and I know her presence shaped how much love I have to give.

I’ve found so much comfort through hypnotherapy, more than I ever expected. In my very first session, my grandma came to me. She hugged me. Told me she wasn’t mad, that she loved me. That moment changed everything. I’ve felt her warmth during sessions, and each time, I walk away more grounded, more at peace, and more myself.

Grief will always be a part of me, but it’s not ALL of me. Hypnotherapy has helped me feel like I’m still connected to her, and that she’s still cheering me on.

If you’re in the thick of it, I want you to know you’re not alone. There are ways to feel better that don’t involve numbing out or pushing your feelings down. Even if you have unfinished things with your loved one or conversations that never happened or pain that feels unresolved… hypnotherapy can help.

Did you know that the owner of Sacramento Hypnotherapy Wellness Center, Maude Schellhous, also teaches hypnotherapy? Maude is the founder of The California School of Hypnotherapy. If someone you know, could benefit from working with a student and you would like to know more, please call (916) 549-5109 or use the contact us form.

But what if I told you the most important love story isn’t the one between you and someone else—it’s the one between you and yourself? 

So Let’s Redefine It

When most people think of February, they picture roses, chocolates, and candlelit dinners. It’s the month of romantic love—or so we’ve been told. But this year, I want to flip the script.

What if February wasn’t just about love with others? What if it became love yourself month?

We spend so much time loving others—partners, kids, family, friends—that loving ourselves can feel like an afterthought. Or worse, something we feel guilty for. But let’s be real: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Loving yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential.  

My Journey to Self-Love

For me, self-love has meant giving myself permission to embrace who I truly am. My breakthrough moment came when I found out I couldn’t have kids. I went to therapy and realized that the only reason I had wanted to be with a man was because having children naturally and cost-effectively felt like my only option. Growing up with limited financial resources, I believed that adoption or IVF weren’t realistic possibilities.

I had always identified as bisexual, but with a strong preference for women—about 75/25. Still, I married a man because it seemed like the most straightforward way to build the family I dreamed of. When I realized that biological motherhood wasn’t in my future, I had to ask myself: If not for that, is this the relationship I truly want? The answer was no.

Navigating this shift with my ex-husband was incredibly emotional. We talked constantly, cried together, and faced hard truths. We decided to open our marriage so he could have his emotional and physical needs met while I explored my identity. I spent a ton of time at the beach, where I feel answers are more likely to come to me and traveling alone, just getting to know myself better. Our love languages are very different, and this transition allowed us both to honor who we are. Despite no longer being romantic partners, our love for each other remained—just in a different form.

We also chose to prioritize stability for his biological children, whom I consider my own. We didn’t want to disrupt their lives or sever an important relationship just because our marriage didn’t follow the traditional path. It wasn’t easy. At times, it felt impossible. But through open communication, patience, and love, we found a way to redefine our relationship in a way that worked for us.

I sometimes wish I had known my truth before we got married, but I believe everything happened as it was meant to. My journey to self-love was not just about embracing my identity—it was about learning that love doesn’t have to look the way we were taught for it to be real and valid.

I used to think love had to fit a certain mold—a traditional marriage, a family built a specific way—but my journey taught me that love can take many forms. And at the heart of it all, the most important relationship I’ll ever have is the one with myself.

Learning to love myself didn’t happen overnight, and it’s still an ongoing process. But I’ve found that self-love isn’t just about big revelations—it’s in the small, daily choices we make to honor and care for ourselves.

Ways to Show Yourself Love

Loving yourself isn’t just a concept—it’s a practice. If you’re not sure where to start, here are some ideas that have helped me:

Put Yourself on Your Own Calendar

Life is busy, but being constantly “on” isn’t a badge of honor. Schedule time for yourself the way you would for someone you love. Whether that’s a long bath, journaling, or bingeing your favorite show guilt-free—make yourself a priority.

Slow Down Without Guilt

We live in a world that glorifies hustle culture, but rest is productive. Take a nap. Cancel plans if you need quiet. Doing less doesn’t mean you’re doing nothing; it means you’re recharging.

Talk to Yourself Like Your Best Friend Would

If you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause. Ask yourself: “Would I say this to my best friend if they were struggling? What would I tell them instead?” Then say that to yourself.

Give Yourself Permission to Want More

What do you really want—not what others expect of you, but what you want? Write it down. Dream wildly. Then, start small. Take one step today toward giving yourself what you deserve.

More Ways to Show Love to Yourself:

• Buy yourself flowers—because you deserve them.
• Move your body in ways that feel good, whether it’s dancing in your living room or taking a walk outside.
• Declutter a space in your home—a fresh space can feel like a fresh start.
• Learn something new—take a class, start a hobby, or read a book you’ve been curious about.
• Spend time alone—not to avoid anyone, but because you genuinely enjoy your own company.

What’s on Your List?

This February, I encourage you to sit down and write a love letter to yourself. What do you need? What do you want? What’s one thing you can do today to show yourself love?

Remember: love isn’t just something we give to others. It’s something we deserve to give ourselves. When we do, we become better friends, partners, parents, and humans.

Let’s make February about us. Let’s make it the month we finally give ourselves the love we’ve been waiting for.

You are worthy of love—exactly as you are.

With Bold Confidence and Unapologetic Authenticity

As the new year begins, many of us feel drawn to reflect on the past and set intentions for the future. It’s a time for growth, resolutions, and change. But what if, instead of trying to become something new, we focused on becoming more ourselves?   For 2024, my word of the year was authenticity. As I step into 2025, that word is still resonating deeply within me. Maybe last year was my year to be authentic, and this year, it’s about helping others embrace their most authentic selves.   Here’s the truth: we’ve been conditioned to believe that we need to change ourselves to be worthy—whether that’s striving for the perfect body, avoiding judgment, or hiding parts of ourselves out of fear. These pressures are everywhere, and they can lead us down paths that aren’t really ours to take.   I’ve been there. I’ve lived it.   For years, I tried to follow the “right” path, but in doing so, I lost sight of who I really was. I stayed in the wrong relationship, ignored my dreams, and felt stuck. I wasn’t living as my true self. But last year, with unapologetic authenticity as my guide, everything changed.   I left that relationship.  I started pursuing my dreams.  And for the first time in years,  I fell in love—with myself.   It wasn’t easy, but the journey was worth it. Country music played a huge role in my transformation. Kelsea Ballerini’s “Rolling Up the Welcome Mat” EP changed the trajectory of my life. One verse struck a chord so deep it stayed with me:  “For a while the shoe fit But then I outgrew it And staying only made me get real good at pretend So, I hope I never leave me again. I hope I remember all the pieces  Of who I was that I lost on the way I hope I learn to love myself like I loved you then And I hope I never leave me again.”  Those words reminded me that I’d been living a life that no longer fit. Staying in that space only distanced me further from who I truly was. I promised myself that I would never abandon me again.  And I didn’t stop there. I began chasing my dreams of working behind the scenes in the entertainment industry. I reached out to old contacts I had previously worked with as an assistant and rep. When I attended a convention with Epic Cons, I was reminded of my passion for seeing fans connect with the people they admire.  That moment reignited my spark. I started applying to every convention I could find, working my way back into the industry. Today, I get to work closely with talent and witness firsthand how much their work means to fans. I’ve heard countless stories of how a show or character changed someone’s life. These moments have become my “why.”  Now, I still do this work on weekends, and it’s one of the greatest joys of my life. Meanwhile, during the week, I’ve found another calling: working here at Sacramento Hypnotherapy. The timing has been nothing short of impeccable.  These experiences helped me rediscover who I am and learn to love myself again. I used to hate being alone—at home, in my thoughts, in the world. But now, I find solitude freeing. I’ve learned that when we honor our true selves, we align with our deepest desires and attract the right people, opportunities, and energy. But when we live inauthentically, we risk bringing the wrong things into our lives.

This year, instead of resolutions that force you to change who you are, what if your resolution was to become who you already are? To honor your truest self?  Here are a few ways to start:   1. Release judgment: Let go of the need to please others or live up to their expectations.  2. Get curious: Ask yourself what truly lights you up, and start following that path—even if it feels unconventional.  3. Lean on support: If you’re feeling stuck, hypnotherapy can help you uncover subconscious beliefs that are holding you back.  Because here’s the thing: you can’t hate yourself into change. Real transformation comes from self-love and acceptance.  You are capable of so much more than you know.  Everything you need is already inside you.  Let’s take all the energy of what we’re against and pour it into what we’re for.  – Kristen Brust Let’s make 2025 the year of YOU.

Lately, as fall has been slowing us down, we’ve been feeling some questions come up.  What areas of life are we staying true to ourself and our commitments? In what areas are we challenged to commit to ourselves? Where are there commitments that are no longer joyful or supportive?  How can we honor our deepest commitments to ourselves, to our growth and healing, to releasing patterns and embracing our peace and wellbeing? Commitment doesn’t have to mean perfection, it doesn’t mean we punish ourselves for an “off” day or have to get it right all the time, but it is a way to build trust with ourselves, with our subconscious minds.   It’s a way to show up in our own lives, as our own friend, as a way to respect and love ourselves deeper.   We seem to jam pack so many commitments in our lives, we are committed to our jobs, to our families, our friends, to netflix binging, to overthinking, and many more things whether supportive to our growth or not.   But how often do we make the intentional decision to commit to ourselves? To our own growth? To our own healing and accountability? To the future versions of us?    Commitment can feel difficult and even uncomfortable. Because it asks us to show up more fully, more intentionally than we’re used to.   It asks us to take more responsibility for the ways we treat ourselves, for the things we accept or don’t accept, for the choices we make, and for the way we spend our time and energy.   One thing I’ve learned is that how we show up for ourselves is often how we show up for others, especially subconsciously.    If we are flakey with showing up for ourselves, we might also be flakey for others, instead showing up for distractions or not taking our time or others’ seriously, because maybe we are afraid to disappoint people including ourselves, so we keep the bar low in the first place.   If we show up for others too often instead of showing up for ourselves, it could be because subconsciously, we don’t believe we are worthy of being shown up for. So we also don’t allow others to show up for us.   Or we believe we are somehow inherently more “useful” or “lovable” when we give without asking for what we need in return.   Or maybe we feel downright guilty and selfish for putting ourselves first.   Committing to ourselves doesn’t have to be a grand thing that happens overnight.   It can look like implementing small changes that have a big impact over time, like gratitude journaling every morning, or going on a mental health walk every day, or eating cleaner, or hypnotherapy every few weeks.   Whatever it is we choose, we are committing to the greatest thing in our lifetime– ourselves.   It’s a worthwhile investment that always pays off long- term when we put in the work. It helps us grow, and helps us create a life we are deeply excited and happy about.   You are absolutely worth the commitment!

Last month, we had our incredibly magical  ✨ Hypnotherapy Fantasy Retreat ✨ along the Mendocino coastal hills at Whispertree Retreat, and to say it was a TREAT is an understatement! We experienced such beautiful healing, hypnotherapy under the stars, amazing storytelling, happy tears, friendships, deeep belly laughter and dancing together.  Most importantly, we experienced the power of letting Mother Earth hold us while connecting to the land, getting out of our heads and grounding into our hearts.  These days, the act of getting to do so can feel like a rare luxury. It seems like we are constantly having to think, analyze or intellectualize our way through our lives. And after getting the chance to experience the complete opposite (being led from our hearts), it’s no wonder so many of us feel unmotivated, anxious, and stuck when we’re so much in our heads.  And it’s not that our mind is a bad thing, either. But to allow our mind to take over, where our hearts becomes silent and disconnected can become a root of our unhappiness and anxiety. Especially when our minds are full of worrying or fearful thoughts, limiting beliefs, self- doubt or endless to do lists. It can feel like we never have a break.  Being grounded in our hearts was sooo stabilizing and harmonizing. It allowed us to truly slow down and listen more deeply and intently, to our bodies, to the land and each other. We felt connected and joyful. And we also experienced deep renewal from all the letting go of our stress, anxiety and mental obstacles. In Hypnotherapy, we are in the healing state, which helps us naturally let go of those mental obstacles and buzzing to drop into our Inner Wisdom and hearts, so we can feel lighter, more clear, confident and peaceful.   Hypnosis is the direct pathway to the subconscious mind, Hypnotherapy reaches the place where our mental anxiety and stress live. When we try to push the 95% of our subconscious mind, from the 5% of our conscious mind, we don’t get very far.   Hypnotherapy helps us release mental blocks, obstacles, anxiety and clutter which brings greater harmony to our hearts and minds so they work together to bring us deeper peace and confidence.

What is Hypnotherapy?

Ever wondered what hypnotherapy is all about? Imagine being able to tap into the most relaxed and focused version of yourself to tackle life’s challenges. That’s hypnotherapy in a nutshell. Hypnotherapy is a type of therapy that uses hypnosis to help people make positive changes in their lives. Hypnosis is a natural state of deep relaxation and focused attention, where the mind becomes more open to suggestions. In this state, a trained hypnotherapist can guide someone to address issues like stress, anxiety, pain, or bad habits.

Where does Hypnotherapy come from?

Hypnotherapy might sound like something new, but it has roots that go back thousands of years. Ancient cultures, like the Egyptians, Greeks, and Chinese, used trance-like states for healing and spiritual rituals. The word “hypnosis” comes from the Greek word “hypnos,” which means sleep. But it’s important to know that being hypnotized is not the same as sleeping.

In the 1700s, an Austrian doctor named Franz Mesmer started using a technique he called “mesmerism,” which was an early form of hypnosis. Even though his ideas about “animal magnetism” were later proven wrong, his work helped spark interest in hypnosis. By the 1800s, scientists like James Braid began studying hypnosis more seriously and gave it its name.

In the 1900s, a psychiatrist named Milton Erickson developed new techniques that showed how hypnosis could be used effectively in therapy. Thanks to his work and that of many others, hypnotherapy is now seen as a helpful way to complement traditional medical and psychological treatments. Today, many people use hypnotherapy to improve their mental and physical health.

What is hypnosis?

Imagine being able to switch off the chaos of everyday life and enter a state of calm focus where your mind is open to positive change. That’s hypnosis! It’s not magic or mind control; it’s a natural state that we all experience daily. Think about when you’re so engrossed in a good book or a movie that you lose track of time- that’s a bit like being in a hypnotic state.

What is the Science behind Hypnosis?

When you’re in a hypnotic state, your brainwaves slow down, much like when you’re daydreaming or just about to drift off to sleep. This relaxed state is called the theta state, where your subconscious mind becomes more accessible. Your subconscious mind is like a powerful computer running in the background, controlling many of your behaviors and responses without you even realizing it.

This is where the magic of hypnotherapy happens. By accessing your subconscious, a hypnotherapist can help rewire your brain, replacing negative patterns with positive ones. It’s kind of like updating the software on your phone but for your mind.

How does Hypnotherapy influence our mind?

Well, our brain has a part that’s like a sponge, soaking up all the stories we hear about ourselves and the world around us. Hypnotherapy uses this to help us rewrite those stories. It’s like having a heart-to-heart with your inner superhero, getting them ready to take on anything.

Whether it’s feeling more confident, facing fears, or kicking bad habits, hypnosis can help you tap into your inner strength.

So, next time you’re watching a superhero movie or reading about someone incredible, remember: you’ve got that same power inside you. Hypnotherapy is just one tool to unlock it and start your own amazing journey.