But what if I told you the most important love story isn’t the one between you and someone else—it’s the one between you and yourself?
So Let’s Redefine It
When most people think of February, they picture roses, chocolates, and candlelit dinners. It’s the month of romantic love—or so we’ve been told. But this year, I want to flip the script.
What if February wasn’t just about love with others? What if it became love yourself month?
We spend so much time loving others—partners, kids, family, friends—that loving ourselves can feel like an afterthought. Or worse, something we feel guilty for. But let’s be real: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Loving yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
My Journey to Self-Love
For me, self-love has meant giving myself permission to embrace who I truly am. My breakthrough moment came when I found out I couldn’t have kids. I went to therapy and realized that the only reason I had wanted to be with a man was because having children naturally and cost-effectively felt like my only option. Growing up with limited financial resources, I believed that adoption or IVF weren’t realistic possibilities.
I had always identified as bisexual, but with a strong preference for women—about 75/25. Still, I married a man because it seemed like the most straightforward way to build the family I dreamed of. When I realized that biological motherhood wasn’t in my future, I had to ask myself: If not for that, is this the relationship I truly want? The answer was no.
Navigating this shift with my ex-husband was incredibly emotional. We talked constantly, cried together, and faced hard truths. We decided to open our marriage so he could have his emotional and physical needs met while I explored my identity. I spent a ton of time at the beach, where I feel answers are more likely to come to me and traveling alone, just getting to know myself better. Our love languages are very different, and this transition allowed us both to honor who we are. Despite no longer being romantic partners, our love for each other remained—just in a different form.
We also chose to prioritize stability for his biological children, whom I consider my own. We didn’t want to disrupt their lives or sever an important relationship just because our marriage didn’t follow the traditional path. It wasn’t easy. At times, it felt impossible. But through open communication, patience, and love, we found a way to redefine our relationship in a way that worked for us.
I sometimes wish I had known my truth before we got married, but I believe everything happened as it was meant to. My journey to self-love was not just about embracing my identity—it was about learning that love doesn’t have to look the way we were taught for it to be real and valid.
I used to think love had to fit a certain mold—a traditional marriage, a family built a specific way—but my journey taught me that love can take many forms. And at the heart of it all, the most important relationship I’ll ever have is the one with myself.
Learning to love myself didn’t happen overnight, and it’s still an ongoing process. But I’ve found that self-love isn’t just about big revelations—it’s in the small, daily choices we make to honor and care for ourselves.
Ways to Show Yourself Love
Loving yourself isn’t just a concept—it’s a practice. If you’re not sure where to start, here are some ideas that have helped me:
Put Yourself on Your Own Calendar
Life is busy, but being constantly “on” isn’t a badge of honor. Schedule time for yourself the way you would for someone you love. Whether that’s a long bath, journaling, or bingeing your favorite show guilt-free—make yourself a priority.
Slow Down Without Guilt
We live in a world that glorifies hustle culture, but rest is productive. Take a nap. Cancel plans if you need quiet. Doing less doesn’t mean you’re doing nothing; it means you’re recharging.
Talk to Yourself Like Your Best Friend Would
If you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause. Ask yourself: “Would I say this to my best friend if they were struggling? What would I tell them instead?” Then say that to yourself.
Give Yourself Permission to Want More
What do you really want—not what others expect of you, but what you want? Write it down. Dream wildly. Then, start small. Take one step today toward giving yourself what you deserve.
More Ways to Show Love to Yourself:
- Buy yourself flowers—because you deserve them.
- Move your body in ways that feel good, whether it’s dancing in your living room or taking a walk outside.
- Declutter a space in your home—a fresh space can feel like a fresh start.
- Learn something new—take a class, start a hobby, or read a book you’ve been curious about.
- Spend time alone—not to avoid anyone, but because you genuinely enjoy your own company.
What’s on Your List?
This February, I encourage you to sit down and write a love letter to yourself. What do you need? What do you want? What’s one thing you can do today to show yourself love?
Remember: love isn’t just something we give to others. It’s something we deserve to give ourselves. When we do, we become better friends, partners, parents, and humans.
Let’s make February about us. Let’s make it the month we finally give ourselves the love we’ve been waiting for.
You are worthy of love—exactly as you are.
